Redefining Failure: The Path Toward Growth

The other day, my wife and I had an illuminating conversation about our current goals in life. We are both hard working, passion-driven creatives with a dream of being our own bosses, having financial freedom, and contributing our gifts with the world. Despite our excitement towards our goals, we also expressed the fears we have behind achieving them. I’m sure you may also have big dreams with big fears. The fear of being judged, the fear of feeling worse about yourself, the fear of trying and failing. But me and my wife's conversation got me thinking about where these fears stem from and how to overcome them.

My wife and I, similarly, have pursued several interests throughout our lives, but never really stuck with any of them. The reasons were: we became uninterested or bored of the subject; we realized we didn’t have the skills or knowledge to access the subject; or we realized we enjoyed the subject so much that we didn’t want to let ourselves down by pursuing it and failing. I’ve tried to teach myself how to play three different instruments, how to flip furniture, and how to start a podcast. I don't deem myself successful at any of these activities. My wife, on the other hand, has tried to become a nurse, an esthetician, and a hairstylist. And while she may not have made careers out of any of those endeavors, I find her to be quite successful in all of them considering she takes care of me when I’m sick, pops my pimples, and cuts my hair when it’s far too overgrown. But success is subjective, and I believe failure is, too, despite it being repeatedly perceived with a negative connotation.

We often view failure as a loss, a disappointment, or as an end. Once we fail at something, we figure we are left in a worse off position than if we were to have never tried at all. I mean, how many of us set goals for ourselves and then toss them as soon as we don’t achieve instant gratification? I know I do. We beat ourselves up for not seeing the process through- for not fulfilling the expectations or standards we set for ourselves. Our self-esteem becomes depleted and we regret not having done something that once had the potential to change our life.

But what if we viewed failure as a win? As an opportunity to learn, adjust, and evolve? Now, that’d be a game changer! Our tragic flaw is that we hold ourselves back from ourselves. We know there’s a better version of us deep inside, a better life that fuels us instead of draining and burning us out. Despite knowing this, we don’t take the necessary steps to try and get there. We take one step and expect that to be the only action needed to reap the rewards we wish to see. Once we fail to see the results we sought out, we lose the motivation and drive to keep moving forward.

I’m sure you have heard the saying: “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey,” and while that might sound cliche or corny, it really is true. You are a process, not a product. Life is about experiences, and those experiences are constantly shaping and transforming you. You are meant to grow, to create, to transcend. What you aren't meant to do is remain stagnant, stuck, never-changing. For a long time, I thought I had to be a certain way. Like I had to fit into someone else’s image of me, check off the boxes on someone else’s checklist, live up to someone else’s standard. I was always striving to be the top performer in any room I was in, to be the best looking, the most talented, the most successful. And I found myself becoming fixated on other people's perception of me, which left me feeling empty, and lacking a sense of purpose and self.

We’re all on a journey trying to figure out who we are and what our purpose is. And once I started to create my own image of myself, to check off the boxes on my list, to live up to my standard, that’s when I realized that life is all about the process, not the end. I get to shape my reality and set my own goals based on what feels good to me. And no, that's not selfish because it's your life to live. If someone tells you otherwise, well, that's simply not their place because they also have their own life to live. How often have you heard a story of someone approaching the end of their corporal lives and wishing they had done things differently? They regret not doing more of the things they loved, seeing more of the people they cared about and who cared about them, and living a life that was true to who they are. We don’t have to get to that point. And it all starts with the actions we take today.

I know failing can sound daunting, but we have a choice: to fail and stop there, or to fail and keep going. I don’t know about you, but to me, the latter sounds much more appealing. I also know it sounds a lot easier said than done, but it’s possible. And it starts with these simple steps:

Step 1: Write down your goals. These can be long-term or short-term, but make sure they are feasible and realistic. And you'll know it's realistic if you can really envision yourself doing it. Visualize the image you want to portray, the work you want to be doing, and the life you want to immerse yourself into. What’s important here is focusing on how these goals and visuals make you feel.

Step 2: Choose one goal from your list and write down what steps you can take to get you closer to your goal. This might sound like work, but having a structure and a checklist to reference helped me stay focused and hold myself accountable.

Here’s an example: One of my goals was to start this blog. My first step was to figure out what subject or niche I wanted to write about. My next step was to figure out who I wanted to write for. And my third step was to research other bloggers with the same niche and analyze what works for them as well as what makes them stand out, so that I could do the same for mine. Keep in mind, I’m someone who likes and needs structure for optimum performance, but this process might not work for you. My wife, for example, likes to create mental checklists and performs well by diving in and figuring out what she needs as she goes. Figure out what process works well for you. Just make sure you have some sort of point of reference to fall back on when you lose sight of your direction.

Here's a snippet of the checklist I wrote down in my journal.

Step 3: Take action. Step two prepares you for this point. Start checking off the boxes on your checklist. It’s going to be scary, but do it scared. If you get to a point where your fear of failure overpowers your will to succeed, compare which course of action will get you closer to the life you want to be living. If you want to change your life, you are the one that has to do it. But I know you can, and deep down you know you can, too.

Step 4: Repeat. I have two quotes that I'll share to encompass what I want to say through this step. One is by Zig Ziglar, a renowned author, salesman, and motivational speaker: “Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” The second is by Gene Kim, an author, researcher, and tech connoisseur: “Repetition creates habits, and habits are what enable mastery.” With reference to these quotes, you are the architect and the master of your life. If you continue to set goals and check them off your list, you will not only learn what it is you truly want and don't want, but you will create a life that aligns with your truth along the way. It is completely possible to become the person of your dreams! By focusing on your goals, taking feasible and realistic actions, and staying consistent, you can fail forward and find the success you seek out. You got this!

To wrap up the conversation my wife and I had, we realized that failure isn’t a defeat; it’s a stepping stone toward growth. In order to be successful in the future, we have to fail now. But it's never too late. Additionally, by redefining failure, we can unlock the wisdom and resilience needed to move forward. Remember, failure isn’t the end. You’re going to stumble and you’re going to fall—but what matters is having the courage to rise each time you do. Embrace the journey because each failure brings you closer to your best self and to living a life well lived.